shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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