His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
