If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sober January is a disaster.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
