I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
