My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
