I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
