Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
