we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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