You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
