my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
