Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
