It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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