I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
