Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
