my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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