Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
