he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
