Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
