he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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