The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
