in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
