I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
