I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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