If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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