i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This baby is an asshole
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
