told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
