Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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