the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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