I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have aggressive nipples.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
