im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
