Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
