I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
