On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
