my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
