Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
