are you still at the devil's house?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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