After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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