my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
