hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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