$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
