tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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