She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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