I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this beer tastes like vomit already
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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