i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
