but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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