Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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