I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
