Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
