Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
