and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
